51 Indicators of a graduate student in USA

Lots of things happen in one's lives which despite the underlying seriousness are best taken in a humorous stride. In the same spirit, here goes a list of signs and indicators of being a graduate student in USA.

DISCLAIMER: Since this derives from experiences of people around me, you may find certain items to be specific to international students. Nevertheless, it should be an interesting read for all.

You know you are a graduate student in USA when :

1. you wipe instead of washing (think morning).
2. you make a night suit out of an oversized T-shirt you got for free.
3. you submit assignments on one sided sheets taken from previously submitted assignments.
4. your conversation starters revolve around grocery rates.
5. your conversation ends in "Have you got any aid ?'.
6. phrase "Friday nights" elicits an image of a long line of students in front of a desk full of pizza.
7. phrase "Bollywood night" elicits an image of belly dancers.
8. in your nightmare you reach the end of "free drinks line" only to find cans and cans of Dr. Pepper left.
9. your mall trips are triggered by a bunch of coupons nearing expiry.
10. eating out is synonymous with free pizza at campus.
11. you train your nose to pick up smell of free food in campus.
12. you train your eyes to spot a trail of people in (10).
13. you have your meals at McD & Subway.
14. as a group you order only one cold drink & then share refills.
15. the only 'orkuttable' photo from last night's party at home was of you washing dishes.
16. you use carabines instead of key rings.
17. you have more bottle holders than bottles.
18. while going through grocery items, you divide rates by their weight to find the lowest unit price.
19. you pay frequent visits to nearby church but for TT/foosball.
20. you claim to be a racquetball champion even though you do not know half of the rules.
21. 50% of your mails in sent mail folder are requests for assistantships.
22. other 50% are seeking internships.
23. after-class talk goes like "So where is free pizza tonight ?".
24. you browse Youtube like you would surf channels on TV.
25. learn virtues of eating/sleeping on ground.
26. bedbugs (US cousins of khatmal) become a REAL issue.
27. you take an insurance based on cost instead of coverage.
28. path to Walmart goes through your senior's place.
29. your arguments with roommate are over which ice-cream flavour to buy.
30. you learn the 'grocery balancing act' on bicycles.
                       OR
    you start building biceps out of carrying grocery.
31. you count no. of scratches on walls for lease agreement.
32. you have to convince people for part-time jobs that despite being an engineer, you know MS Office well.
33. you have to spell out your name umpteenth time only to be misspelled again.
34. you attend a conference on "" for free pizza.
35. you open a bank a/c for the free USB drive that comes along with it.
36. you pay frequent visits to your bank for the free cookies.
37. you agree to be the subject of an experiment just because it pays.
38. you always appear either busy or idle on GTalk.
39. PhD Comics replaces your daily dose of Garfield.
40. you start breathing papers and juggling references.
41. have chicken patties instead of chicken tandoori for dinner.
42. you stare at other Indians like they are aliens just landed from Mars.
43. 99% of mails in your postbox are free coupons from nearby stores.
44. you count no. of days or even hours to your India visit.
45. you leave metric measurement system for US system.
46. you carry passport as ID to a pub.
47. cyclones, red light, petrol, lift, bicycle & Indian become hurricanes, set of lights, ride, bike & desi respectively.
48. the only time you wake up early in morning is on the day of course registration.
49. you brainstorm for days over which mobile connection plan to buy.
50. you claim to patronise a long hair style till the next hair salon coupon comes in your hand.
51. write such blogs.

$P
(enroute to Chicago)

Journey of Quarters

It is amazing how time flies, especially when you are enjoying it. Not so long ago, I remember walking across the kitchen only to be slapped. Yes, that constitutes the earliest memory of my life !! I don't even remember the reason for being slapped. I do remember being consoled though...

Not all memories of my life are that unhappy. But yes, I do realise that when you turn 25, you have lived a quarter of your life, to be speaking very optimistically. Considering the wild streak in me, make it very very optimistically. :-) So what comes next ? Well you can expect one of the following from a blog that starts off the way this one did :

1. Describing the journey so far.
2. Reliving some of the highs and lows.
3. Evaluating one's progress in whatever be the judging parameters.
4. Making some resolutions for the future from lessons of past.

Normally I try to do all of above (mentally) but this blog is for a different purpose. Let us take a small detour in understanding this. Suppose you meet a long lost friend. How will the normal discussion proceed ? I for one would normally find out what the chap is up to now-a-days & then try to interpolate from what I knew of him/her from the past. This is what many call 'joining the dots'. Unfortunately when you join the dots, you use lines.

To explain with an example, if my friend earned 12 quarters per hour three years back and 24 quarters now, you would assume that he/she earned 20 quarters an year back and 16 quarters two years back. Though it saves your brain for putatively better tasks (such as catching up on latest movie songs ??), this is all but a compromise. And this compromise called JLC (short for Joining Lines Compromise) will manifest in the conversation as :

• "It is a long story, listen.." (close friend).
• "You NEVER check on me.." (beloved)
• "I knew you since you were THIS small.." (relative)
• "Abe, chodh yaar.." (not-so-close friend)
• "Now is not the time.." (former colleague, who is more interested in making quarters rather than talking to you)
• "How/Where/What are you.." (Beware! Could mean that the friend has forgotten about you, and wants to figure you out without making it apparent)
• "Bhul gaya ??". This one happens often if you are quarter-amnesic like me !!

So what am I arriving at ? Well, I know a bunch of people in this world whom I consider to be in my sphere of influence. They can influence me just as I can influence them. I intend to drive the point that atleast for these people, I would like to draw not lines but exact curves (B-splines for the geek-minded) between points. This means that if you meet me next time (in real or online), bore me to death with what's happening in your lives. If you find me silent in between, know that I am not a verbose person. Don't stop till you finish or find me in a quarter-conscious state. Believe me, I would love it.

To explain using our earlier example of 12 and 24 quarters over three years, it would imply that my friend earned...ahem.. well I guess I will leave the B-spline calculation part to you folks. I am sure you got the gist of it.

PS: Wondering why the blog was titled so...did you miss anything ? Yes, that is our JLC at work again.

$P